


Golden Slumbers

by simplymaisie



Series: Marauders [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, The Prank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 23:12:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14779094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplymaisie/pseuds/simplymaisie
Summary: Sirius has been MIA since the Prank and Remus can't cope.





	Golden Slumbers

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my head for days, so I wrote it and I'm not sure I like it but Enjoy. It's not at all developed and the plot is disjointed but I needed to get it out of my head.

_Once there was a way,_

_To get back homeward._

 

Remus was a man of many emotions, despite his stoic appearance. Arguably, he had gone through more heartbreak than every person in that school combined. The only real sorrow pulsing through the castle walls recently was the odd family fall out or the mystery of where Sirius Black had been these past few weeks. Of course, Remus knew, Sirius had been hiding away. Punishing himself for the pain he had caused his best friend. It's not even like Remus had purposefully ostracised him, in fact, the only thing Remus had done was refuse to see him the morning after it happened. Since then Sirius had been sleeping elsewhere, probably on the grounds curled up as Padfoot, he had not been to breakfast, lunch or dinner in four weeks and the only time any of the marauders had seen him was once a week when he needed to collect his freshly washed clothes. 

Last week the shock of seeing him had caused Peter to knock over his bedside lamp, the shatter startling the stowaway his first instinct is to step towards Remus in an attempt of protecting him from the unknown danger. Remus could see the horror flash on the other boys face in the exact moment he realised he was in no right to protect the sullen werewolf. His cheeks were sunken in as though he had not eaten properly, unsurprisingly as Sirius tended to punish himself when he had done something wrong despite his brash appearance, it was drilled into him as a child. His sex pistols t-shirt that once fit him perfectly now exposed one of his collarbones, threatening to tear through his skin. The pale of his face seemed to worsen as he shrunk beneath Remus’ stare. The sight broke the younger boys heart.

 

Sirius Black was not meant to be this sad. He was not meant to be hiding from the people who cared for him. Yes, he made a stupid fucking mistake but he shouldn't be punishing himself to the point of self-destruction. He was killing himself. In the days where the sky seemed brighter, the school seemed overwhelmingly happier and the marauders seemed louder, they really took it all for granted. The infamous group hadn't pulled a prank in over a month, even McGonagall had called the boys to her office in an attempt to see what they were planning, of course, Sirius didn't show up. Remus never thought he'd miss the close calls and the barreling into closets trying to escape the new caretaker Filch. 

He was even beginning to miss the detentions, where they were forced to clean trophies but that didn't stop Sirius taking Remus’ hand and dancing through the open space until they fell and landed in a laughing heap. The bruises lasted longer than his lycanthrope ones. He missed seeing Sirius, he missed feeling safe. Yes it sounded pathetic, he was one of the darkest creatures ever to live, and he missed a bumbling ball of a puppy who would bark at shadows. 

He missed falling into his friend's open arms after a particularly boring history of magic lesson. He missed the winded laugh the other would release on impact, but he would never miss a beat, even when he couldn't breathe he would always hold Remus close and card his fingers through the others tousled hair until he fell asleep. Those were the times he liked when Sirius would skip dinner, when he was too scared to move in case he would wake up the sleeping werewolf, not when it was because he felt like he didn't deserve to eat.

 

They were so close before the incident. So close to making something more out of what they already had. Night after night Sirius would climb into his bed, at first he would claim he had a nightmare and needed comfort from the ‘big bad wolf’ but as the days passed it was harder for Remus to pretend he didn't hear the exasperated whispers of the boy in the bed next to his own, whispers that sounded like ‘fucking hell can time go faster. I will give you all of my inheritance time gods if you make time goes faster’. And soon enough the clock would hit 1 am and sure enough, Sirius would tiptoe over to the bed and Remus would pretend to be asleep, waiting for the older boy to slip in beside him. 

A couple of days before the incident, Remus whispered into the abyss as Sirius slipped under the covers ‘you don't have to pretend anymore’ Sirius tensed beside the boy before slowly reaching around Remus’ torso and nudged the boy so that he would turn to face him. Remus cherishes that moment, they were nose to nose and he could see every single perfect imperfection dotted across his face. From every freckle to the tiny scar above his lip from the day he got a little too excited about a prank and stabbed himself in the face with a fork. He could feel the warmth radiating off his friend. Well, ‘friend’ he would never do this with Peter or James. Yet here it felt perfect. Here, in the arms of Sirius Black was where he belonged.

 

_Once there was a way_

_To get back home._

_Sleep, pretty darling,_

 

Then _it_ happened. Now he was alone, curtains drawn wishing now more than ever that he would see the curly mop of hair peek through his scarlet cage. Hiding from reality, dwelling on the past. An ache in his heart that hurt more than any cut or bruise he has ever had. What's worse is he's the one who has done this to him, inadvertently of course because they all just assumed that's what he would want. Nobody ever fucking asked him what he wanted. James assumed that Remus hated Sirius and punched the boy straight in the eye. Peter assumed that Remus wouldn't like it if they were friends so he froze Sirius out of his life. He could see the lights in Sirius’ eyes diminish with every ignored hello, every blocked out smile and every averted gaze. His Professors assumed that he didn’t want to see Sirius, so they gave him all of his work, every class where he would be shoulder to shoulder with his best friend, now he was alone and it was so disheartening. What was worse is Sirius assumed Remus hated him. He didn't. Don't get him wrong he was absolutely heartbroken that Sirius would betray him, the idea that Sirius would use him in his twisted little revenge against Snape. But he wants Sirius Black to be the one to fix it. He doesn't want him to be scared anymore.

 

_Do not cry_

_And I will sing a lullaby._

 

He wasn't having any of this, No way. People don't get what they want by sitting. Quickly he pulled his curtains aside, cringing at the harsh screech they give out. Dressed in only his pyjama bottoms, a thin sweater and some slippers, he grabbed the cloak from where it was screwed up in the corner, neglected since the need for pranking diminished. He may be doing this for the greater good, he did doubt that the Hogwarts staff would condone him wandering around after dark.

He must have spent upside of three hours searching the castle for Sirius. So long that he thought he may have been sleeping in Hogsmeade. With one final place on his list, Remus was ready to give up and just wait for Sirius to arrive in three days to collect his clothes. He slowly walked up the winding steps of the astronomy tower, the wind biting through his thin layers causing shivers to convulse down his spine. 

When he made it to the last set of stairs all he could hear was the whistle of the wind and the soft sound of the acoustic guitar. He was singing the chorus of such a sad song, a song so quiet it made Remus’ heart clench in ways he'd never experienced. “You never deserved him you know” Remus watched him whisper to himself, climbing the barrier of the balcony “YOU NEVER FUCKING DESERVED HIM” The dark haired boy shouted over the balcony, as though he was arguing with the world. Remus tried to call out to him, tried to make a sound but nothing was happening. His voice was gone, like he had been hit by a silencing spell. He couldn't move. He couldn't reach out and stop the boy from falling. Gone like dust in the wind.

He could still hear the beautiful melody of Sirius’ song.

 

_Golden Slumbers,_

_Fill your eyes_

_Smiles await you when you rise_

“Fuck” he whispered to himself opening his eyes to reveal the same crimson curtains he's been hiding in all day "Fucking dreams". He rolled onto his back trying to catch his breath. He needs a Sirius hug badly.

 It was weird, it was almost like he could feel a hand in his hair, gently tousling his hair like he was so used to. It was so real. He's never wanted anything to be so real in his life. He gently lifted his hand to the sensation in his hair, even though the movement has stilled. If he can't get the real thing he might as well trick his brain into thinking someone was there for him. Well, that's what he thought before he came into contact with something warm, something warm and very hand like. He slowly cracked one of his eyes open and saw the one thing he never expected to see, Sirius Black stood beside his bed, his face contorted in shock, fear and what he could only describe as torn, as though he couldn't decide on fight or flight.

 Remus couldn't help the whine that left his mouth as Sirius started walking backwards towards the door.

“No you can fuck off thinking you’re walking out again” He whispered his tone stern but at the same time weak, broken and fed up.

All he got in response was a slight shrug and sharp silence as he continued on his path to the door.

Remus was a very calculated person. He planned his week's wardrobe based on the weather forecast, he did not speak unless he had gone over his words at least six times in his head. That's why it was so surprising to him as he bolted in front of Sirius and blocked the door.

“Move Remus,” Sirius said his voice mirroring that of his mothers. He didn't move.

“Why so you can walk out and go sulk in the shadows?” Remus spoke confidently his laugh causing Sirius to frown.

“Better than the alternative” He shrugged trying to push his way to the door.

“I'll do it Pads, I'll set your fan club on you”

“You wouldn't dare” he found himself saying by instinct. That was their joke, the whole ‘Sirius Black fans are basically bloodhounds’ he couldn't help but smile at the memory. Remus had him, his shoulders had relaxed slightly and his head had dropped, he had got through.

“You're a dick, You have no common sense, You act before you think. You fuck everything up. You're stupid. You make me want to punch various walls. You're egotistical. You're Superficial. You're vain. You're selfi-”

“Alright Lupin you're laying it on thick there” he laughed, light and airy. This is what Remus wanted, he didn’t want to deal with broken Sirius, he wanted dickhead Sirius.

“But I can't live here without you” he whispered, his head bowed in defeat.

“Re don’t.”

“Please don't leave” he whispered. The words hitting both of them hard. Because Yes, he was one of the darkest creatures ever to live, but he missed a bumbling ball of a puppy who would bark at shadows just in case there was something there that would hurt Remus. He missed watching Snape and his stupid friends cower whenever they saw the marauders walking down the halls because they knew one wrong word would unleash psycho Sirius. He missed feeling safe, because with Sirius gone he's fighting against the wolves.

“Re you don't want that, you're better off withou-”

Remus took him by the wrists and forced him away from the door. Sirius felt his legs hit the wood of the bed frame and the curtains give way to his back and shivers laced his body. Then Remus was on him, kissing him with a violence that would have sent them both sprawling should the bed disapparate.

“Don't tell me what I fucking want,” he growled, Sirius was sure he could see the wolf flash within his eyes. “Please don't tell me what I want” he whispered before pulling him up for another, slower kiss, their lips barely touching. It was all too much for the tawny-haired boy, the sudden confidence had faded and now he was a nervous wreck. So much so, he started full-fledged crying. His thin body trembled under the force of his heavy sobs.

“Shh darling” Sirius whispered into the younger boy’s ear gently kissing his hair. His arms entirely engulfing the broken boy next to him. They stayed like that for a while, Sirius gently rocking his boy, softly whispering in his ear, from sweet nothings to stories the marauders have lived through, their best and worst pranks and every time Lily had punched James. It was dangerous for them to discuss the good times when they were both in such a vulnerable state. Even with Remus crying he knew he wasn't hurting anywhere near as much as Sirius. Yet it was Sirius doing the comforting. Dangerous.

When everything had calmed down they were back nose to nose, soft breaths ghosting over each other's faces.

“What happens tomorrow?” Remus whispered not opening his eyes

“What do you want?”

“Stay” he couldn't help the tear that slipped from his eye, staining its relentless track down his cheek. Sirius just held him tighter against his chest.

“Sleep pretty darling, Do not cry,” Sirius said, his voice weak yet laced with sincerity, his thumb wiping away the stray tear, finally resting on the boy's cheek.

 

_And I will sing a lullaby_

**Author's Note:**

> Have a nice day


End file.
